Generally, I like to think of myself as an optimist. Make the most of every opportunity etc. but I guess occasionally we all need to bathe in a little self-pity.
The common denominator in all of my micro-breakdowns is always University. This time last year my eczema went crazy from the stress of exams and looming gap year fears (it may even be to the day that Peninsula rejected me?) Edit: I checked and Peninsula rejected me on Jan 30th so not a bad guess. Right now I'm in the horrible no-mans land of waiting, waiting, waiting. I'm not quite sure how I would react to an invite to interview from Leeds after all this baited breath for an offer. Maybe it would feel a little like when the 12oz steak you've ordered in a restaurant has shrivelled away to a measly beefburger after all that time spent cooking. Slightly disheartening and wishing you'd ordered something else.
Some applicant know-it-alls would probably say that 'patience is an essential quality for a doctor'. Bollocks. Just because they have a fancy degree, doesn't mean doctors aren't human; two years is quite enough patiently waiting for my liking.
But it isn't just University. Ironically, I was going to post yesterday about how fantastically amazing my job is at a local secondary school. Today I have changed my mind.
It's not even that I hate my job or my managers. I love my role. I actually rather like my line manager. I just find certain elements rather frustrating. When we talk about teamwork people tend to mention the time they all chipped in to a big presentation, or when we organised that big event for the charity fundraiser. I think we (or certainly I) forget the hardest, and most important, part of teamwork is just getting along day-to-day. The constant conflicts of opinion and (in my role, anyway) the daily battle for space pushes my team working skills to the limit everyday. You've heard the phrase 'every man is an island'? Well my island seems to be shrinking and shrinking like the Maldives until one day the sea is going to wash right over the top and all you can see is the tip of a palm tree. Bloody global warming.
But it's true - the struggle for space in our dinky little Orange Block is becoming ridiculous. It's not even that anybody is being greedy, or unfair, just that everyone is looking out for themselves and their particular role and what the kids in their care need. Currently, I feel like I'm on the losing team and that my kids are suffering for the benefit of others, yet they are all equally vulnerable and needy.
It's a difficult one. I don't want to become upset. Particularly not about work, which I genuinely love. But I do understand why school staff are given so much time off; we'd go mad without it.
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